What NOT to do when anxiety and fear is bubbling up inside of you.. you are not alone!

So many times I used to look at people who I thought had what I had and think to myself
If only I could just be like them
If only I could just be where they are
If only I could FREE myself from these constant feelings of being trapped, overwhelmed, anxious
If only I could just get myself together then I’d be fine.
And now I look back and I wonder – what the hell does ‘being together’ even mean?
Because here’s what I’ve seen to be true over and over and OVER again…. both for myself and for the women that come to me most days and share with me their stories, especially around binge eating / emotional eating / bulimia and their struggles with their body.
The women that you look up to?
The women that you admire?
The women that you wish you could be like?
The women who are so “put together” … perfect smile, perfect hair, perfect life, perfect job, perfect family, perfect smile, perhaps even the perfect body…
They too are struggling!
They too are spending their days feeling anxious
They too are spending their days feeling overwhelmed
They too are spending their days feeling TRAPPED
In overwhelm
In fear
In a hole that they feel is too big and too deep to escape from
And that woman you look up to?
That woman you admire…
The one who never eats anything “bad” or “naughty”
The one who is busy
The one who is always so organised and prepared with her food
The one who is bringing her food with her
The one who is saying ‘no thank you’ at the restaurant on a night out with friends
The one who is saying “I’m being good”
The one who is so good at sharing advice and telling you what TO DO and HOW to do it
On the inside, she is drowning
On the inside, her despair is growing
On the inside, her anxiety is growing
On the inside, her fear is growing
WILL SHE BE ABLE TO RESIST THE URGE THAT IS BUILDING WITHIN HER?
Will she be able to get through the day without breaking?
Will she be able to get through the day without binging?
Will she be able to get through the day without purging?
Will she be able to live, just for one day, like a normal person?
Will she be able to live, for just one day, without feeling trapped and consumed by the thoughts of food and her body that overwhelm and consume her
For every meal she eats
For every minute she pushes
The urge is growing
Building
Mounting
Like a tidal wave coming towards you …
When the momentum becomes so strong, that she can no longer resist.
And so she gives in.
She caves.
She eats.
Anything.
Everything.
It doesn’t matter what.
And for those brief moments… she is FREE!
Cut off from the rest of the world.
Cut off from her feelings.
Oblivious to her anxiety.
Oblivious to her thoughts.
Oblivious to her overwhelm.
Oblivious to her fear.
Until something snaps her back into reality.
And it all comes flooding back.
The thoughts
The overwhelm
The anxiety
The fear
But now she also has to deal with the guilt and the shame
Now she also feels such a deep sense of disgust with herself
And when she looks at herself in the mirror and sees her eyes she feels so much sadness, so much self-loathing, so much self-hate
And she wonders if she’ll ever be truly FREE.
FREE from all the thoughts.
FREE within herself.
FREE from food.
And perhaps most importantly and significantly?
FREE TO BE THE WOMAN THAT SHE SO DESPERATELY WANTS TO BE.
And despite it all.
She starts over again.
She promises herself that tomorrow will be the day.
She sorts herself out.
She prepares her meals for the day.
She promises herself that she’ll be ‘good!’ That she will NOT cave. That she will NOT give in.
Deep down knowing that she will… because she always does.
DON’T YOU GET IT BEAUTIFUL?
You are NOT alone!
You are NOT a freak!
You are NOT a loser!
You are NOT worthless!
You are NOT unlovable!
YOU ARE NOT BROKEN!!!
You do not need to find out what is wrong with you
You do not need another diet
You do not need another cleanse, shake or bootcamp to sort you out once and for all
YOU ARE IN CONTROL
Of you
Of your life
Of your emotions
Of your destiny
And if there’s one thing I know for sure when it comes to binge eating, emotional eating, over-exercising, body shame, purging and anxiety…
The reason that you engage in these behaviours is not –
Because you are weak
Because you are undisciplined
Because you lack will-power
Because you lack control
Because you are lazy
Because you are broken
NONE OF IT IS TRUE. NONE OF IT IS REAL. NONE OF IT DEFINES WHO YOU ARE.
You can try all you like will power your way through this one.
You can try all you like to go cold-turkey
BUT … and this is a BIG BUT!!!!!!!
If you fail to address the DEEP NEED within you that keeps you breaking every single promise that you make to yourself.
Then –
This pattern?
This habit?
This way of life?
This character flaw that you think you have?
WILL CONTINUE.
For as long as you fail to address the deep underlying need that you so desperately have and so desperately need to fill.
Your FREEDOM will be found when you STOP focusing on the crutch that you are actually using to support you.
Because right now…
Food is your FREEDOM
Food is your FRIEND
Food is your CRUTCH
Food is your CONTROL
Food is your RELEASE
Food is your ESCAPE
No matter how bad it gets
No matter how much life throws at you
No matter how anxious you feel
FOOD?
It’s always there.
Waiting for you.
Like a trust worthy bestie, it always has your back.
To RELEASE the pattern you have, STOP focusing on the behaviour and address the actual need.
Address:-
The deep sense of unworthiness that you feel.
The deep sense of never being ‘good enough’ that you feel
The deep LACK OF LOVE you have for yourself
The fear of failure …. hell, you’ll probably need to address the fear of success you have too!
FREEDOM will not come from you trying to be in CONTROL of your behaviour!!
Not when your behaviour, your habit, your friend, your comfort, your release is actually the thing that you are using to feel a
SENSE OF CONTROL AMIDST YOUR OUT OF CONTROL LIFE
FREEDOM will only truly be found when you rip the band aid off and start discovering WHO you truly are at your core.
FREEDOM will be found when you uncover the deep underlying needs that you’ve been repressing.
FREEDOM will be found when you uncover your passions and finally start following them!
FREEDOM will be found when you dive deep into uncovering who you are and why looking a certain way is so important to you.
FREEDOM will come when you figure out WHO you want to BE, WHAT you want and WHY you want it.
It is my experience and observation that unless you go deep within and
Look your demons in the eye
Look yourself in the eye
Look at what you really want and WHY
THEN FOOD WILL CONTINUE TO BE YOUR ESCAPE, YOUR SANCTUARY, YOUR SAVIOUR
FREEDOM … TRUE FREEDOM
Will be found when you begin to start honouring yourself – who you truly are and you you desire to be.
When you start cultivating a relationship with yourself that stems from a place of compassion, self-awareness and self-love.
This doesn’t mean running around shouting from the rooftops that you love yourself.
Self love simply means to –
Start being TRUE to who you truly are.
Start honouring your VALUE
Start honouring your WORTH
Start honouring your CONTRIBUTION to the world
Start honouring your TRUTH
Start doing the things that you really, truly and deeply want to, regardless of what everyone else thinks about that, simply because
YOU CAN’T NOT!!!!
No one is going to hand you your dream life and your dream body and say
HERE YOU ARE
You want your dreams to come to life?
You want to find BLISS and JOY and FREEDOM in your life?
Then discover who you are
Discover what lights you up
Discover what you are passionate about
HINT:
It’s the stuff you can’t shut up about
It’s the stuff that you can’t stop thinking about
It’s the stuff that you can’t stop writing about
It’s the stuff that’s been bubbling up within you for YEARS
And every day?
Allow those dreams to come to life a teeny – tiny – incy bit more.
Filling your cup up
Filling you up
Filling the voids within you
Fulfilling your dreams
Is what fills the deep need that you have, that constantly drives you back to your old faithful friend and comfort – FOOD!
Remember –
You are NOT alone
You are NOT broken
And –
You are WORTHY
You are ENOUGH
You are LOVABLE
And never forget – that THIS LIFE, YOUR LIFE, the one you’re living right now is the only one that you have right now.
It’s time to actually start LIVING IT!
Tammy xx

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