I can’t remember the number of times that I’ve felt frustrated when I’ve been ‘DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT’ but still haven’t been getting the results that I’ve wanted.
I can’t remember the number of times that I’ve ‘given up’ because the stuff that I was doing wasn’t working.
I can’t remember the number of times that I’ve seen women start something only to not follow it through because they weren’t seeing the results that they wanted.
Especially when they are trying SO DAMN HARD.
Watching their calorie intake
Being super healthy
Following their meal plan
Burning their calories
Being GOOD GIRLS
Only to feel like complete flipping failures because they haven’t lost the weight or god forbid it’s actually getting worse and the clothes are getting tighter.
I can still remember the day I really threw my hands up in the air (actually it was more like fall in a heap in a flood of tears over the complete failure of my body to do what I wanted it to do)
All I wanted was to be skinny again
All I wanted was to lose weight
I was doing EVERYTHING RIGHT …
Actually I was doing MORE THAN everything right.
I was counting my calories.
I was restricting my food intake.
I was busting through willpower.
I was forcing myself to keep going.
I was burning the calories the calories.
I WAS PUTTING IN THE EFFORT.
I WAS TRYING HARD.
I WAS FOCUSED.
I WAS PUSHING.
I WAS STRIVING
and honestly? I was dying in many ways
I was self destructing and I just couldn’t see it.
I couldn’t for the life of me get off the misery-go-round
I was so AFRAID that if I did, that would be it – I’d never lose the weight and I’d be doomed forever.
I kept pushing
I kept striving
I kept struggling
What I needed to do was …
To loosen the vice-like grip
To let go of the reigns
To actually GO WITHIN and rediscover WHO I WAS
Because I was so LOST and DISCONNECTED from WHO I was and WHO I actually wanted to BE.
Instead of tuning into myself and asking what was in alignment with my highest truth I listened to everyone else.
I tried to find the perfect plan
I tried to find the perfect program
I tried to follow it all perfectly – to the letter
and when it didn’t work?
I became even more obsessed.
I tried harder … I ate less and exercised more.
Because, you know
Calories In vs Calories Out and all.
I MESSED WITH MY BODY
I MESSED WITH MY HORMONES
I MESSED WITH MY MIND
I MESSED WITH MY FRIENDSHIPS
I MESSED WITH MY RELATIONSHIPS
I MESSED WITH MY SELF ESTEEM …
In fact, I god damn nearly destroyed it.
Here’s the truth…
In the pursuit of perfection and striving to do “EVERYTHING RIGHT” I was doing EVERYTHING WRONG
And I was so hell bent and focused on ‘losing weight’ and ‘being skinny’ that I just couldn’t see it!
I was destroying my body with stress
I was destroying my body with my destructive thoughts
I was destroying my body with destructive exercise (and hours of it)
I was destroying my body by depriving her … of nutrients and also fun and pleasure
I need to find a photo of me during that time… because I look back and I just felt so lost
So much like a failure
And I know,
That if I only knew what I knew now
That if I had BELIEVED in myself
That if I had truly known how this mindset stuff worked
That I would have gotten to where I am so much faster!
But I also know, that everything that has been before now is PERFECTLY where I was meant to be
Even if I was perfectly in my shit and perfectly in my own way and perfectly blocking my success most of the time!!
Where you are right now is simply the reflection of the past actions that you have taken to date.
The decisions you have made
The choices you have made
The beliefs that you have believed
And all that you have to do to change your future?
Is to believe something different going forward
Is to decide what you want going forward and WHY
Is to decide how you want to FEEL
Is to choose something different going forward
Is to do something different going forward
BELIEVE that it’s possible
Tune into FEELING how you want to feel
And then set to work bringing it to life!
Life is for Living!